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Saturday, June 23, 2007
back here again.
no heavy heart, broken smiles, tears forming nor feeling sad this time round.
i guess letting go a little does help.
somethings are just beyond my control.
so does your love.

yes, i did cried like silly that night`180607.
feeling miserable deep down..
still, i dont denied that i've love you
mayb not that strong but still that feeling..
i wont have and hold high hopes anymore.
my aims and goals for now wasnt that.
if both are really meant to be, they will be no matter what tried to stop them.
[When you love a person you dont need to possess them, because when you see him or her happy you will feel happy. that will be the true happiness=))
you ask about what happen that night.
i feel just like telling you all that.
think twice, i better not.
consequences and consequences.
and i choose to let go a little for now.
i guess i did the correct thing.
at least we are good friends now.
who knows we might not even be friends after i spilled all out.
right?



today you came up my house.
i was afraid at first.
i thought mummy wont allow,surprisingly she agreed easily.
you came and we chatted.
laugh til stomach cramps!
i bet we had fun this evening just laughing at my kiddy masterpiece.
i'm contented today.
stay this way will do=))
 no restriction!
9:28 PM
Saturday, June 16, 2007
i thought things change for the better already last night. again, i admit i was stupid to be taken in by all those words you said. it hurts terribly deep down.i feel just like a fool. your msg-es was so sweet that i got melted last night but..
I wanna thank you first before your first for making a wonderful different in my life.
Colours were nonexistence in my world until you came along and light it up.
I was colourblind until you walk into my life and painted it with feelings.
what does all that means?
i said: you sounded weird today
you replied: i testing out the phrases
i have got nothing else to say then. but why tested it on me? does people go around asking others werid question and testing out such phrases on their friends? all this just led me to further confusion.
i do not know what else to say but to fake up and
i said: i thought today is appreciation day or wat
you replied: asking me to call and talk on the phone awhile
the conversation begins and we chatted as usual. when its about time for me to hang up,you will go awhile more okay? from a fifteen minute conversation till 1hour plus. i thought everything was back to usual.. till we really need to end the conversation, you said something really sweet and make me just so not myself for that particular moment. i thought everything was true again.. yesterday was a lovely night, i slept sweetly through till morning and msg you BONVOYAGE before i left the house. you didnt reply a thanks to me, its okay. i dont expect that too. after few hours you sent a long text with words that i dont really understand but i know its filled with thoughts. so i ask if you came up with that.
you replied: you doubt i copied and paste? let me tell you this..the last thing i will do is copy other people work..unless i am really desperate.
my fault? it really spoiled my day. i dont think i have ever done anything wrong. i am loss for words but i reply still.
i said:i didnt say that.if my words mistook you to think that way, sorry.
you replied: sorry,i abit bad mood today.Feel like turn my room upside down burn all my stuff pack my clothes and ride my bike to where my legs can take me.
I can sense you arent feeling good. but does that mean you can just vent your anger on me?
i said: its okay=)) cheer up yeah? something happen? you can share with me if you dont mind.
you replied:I will try ba. thanks for bearing with me^^ i can handle myself.. no big deal..sorry for disturbing
i wont force if you didnt want to tell but you dont have to go no big deal. maybe girls are just so sensative. yet still, i reply you
i said: Oohokies. if you ever need a listening ear, i will just be right here=)) hope the trip to malaysia later will bring away the unhappiness in you.. take cares
you didnt reply me after that. whats more can i do? i wonder do i deserve all this in the first place.maybe knowing you was a wrong thing but i always thank god for bringing everyone around me to me.despite the person bring harms or good, theres always something gain from it.a lesson learnt or anything.. i believe fate brings two person together. yet sometime truth can be just so hurtful. i do wish for anything more, i will rather you dont msg me anymore than msg and hurt me with those words.dont wish to have quarells anymore even little tiffs. it wont be nice for us as well as our parents too if they were to know.

i told myself [whats yours, it will be yours.. whats not yours, no matter how hard you tried to get it, still it wont be yours..]
whats deep down inside you, only you know it well yourself. i just hope you mean what you say each time. if only i could tell you all this but i guess i never can. i will just hope maybe a miracle appear tonight and angels enters your dreams to tell you? it sound kind of silly but what else can i do? i will rather be like what others say friend forever with you then enemy in the end..

i was holding strong till buddy msg came. the tears just rolled down. i dont know. i know shes arent feeling good. i dont know how to help her='\ i can just hope shes fine. take care my dear. why make two person end up together and separate them after that? i dont understand. guys dont understand girl? girl dont understand guys?
 no restriction!
7:34 PM
Friday, June 15, 2007
the coldness cant seems to go away neither does it fade away.
i just feel so different.yours msg-es still came but i can no longer sense the doting and everything in there.
maybe i'm sensative again? perhaps i got affected by other stuff? or i still cant get over what happen the past feel days? thats why i think that way still?
i dont know but i'm clear that theres no contend in those msg-es.
i tried hard to come up with something to ask you but you didnt answer. and i dont know what else to say, so i gave a reply saying i'm bored nothing to do and you stop msg-ing me. why is this so then?
i thought you told me whenever i'm bored i can always just give a msg and you will be there?
no matter how busy you get you will still just be there?
perhaps i am just being too naive.
i'm confused, i dont know what to do.
i'm always telling myself you are just a very good friend of mine.
yet times and times the words you said to me led in some confusion telling and showing that we are more than just good friends.
you told me that its fate that bought us together and we meet again after 10 years.. you ask me:do i believe in fate?
may i just know whats deep inside you?
just very good friends or..


LITTLE KNOWN FACTS
so wat's wrong with stating own name? arent your own name a known fact to others? i wont go scolding out vulgarities.you stated that you are just saying so be it that i happen to just read it. but you dont have to go indirecting shooting right over here to me. this just make me feel that you are implying that my understanding have serious problem? is that just so? maybe you dont even know, so nvm.

forget it. i guess i am used to it already. being treated just like this.that's life i suppose.blame it on stupid's.
 no restriction!
9:44 PM
Thursday, June 14, 2007
always wanting to start this blog yet keep pondering whether or not to.
reason i dont want to rely on this.
i thought THEY will be there for me, hear me out and move me on each time..yet i came to realise not many i can actually turn to.
have been really down recently,affected by little things here and there.
really tired yet still have to fake that smile infront of them and say:i'm ok when i'm not.
mayb i'm really naive hence the silly thinking.. i dont know. encouraging ownself each and everytime but like what the use? still the same.


i was over the moon but eventually it became so near yet so far. nv feel this way before. enjoying the doting,everything.they say dont bother how long it goes, at least it ever take place. all the hopes i've got , shattered just like this.i wouldnt and nv will blame you or anyone else. maybe its stupid's fault. big girl dont cry.i told myself i can live through once again as i always can. each and everytime i was about to give up, you will show up and bring hopes to me again. i dont know if its falsehopes..i guess its the longest this time round and now that i've really decided to give up, you show and bring hopes to me last night. you called and we chatted like how we always did. you told me stuff and i feel really doted by you. you ask questions regarding all that, is that a hint again.. will it always be and staying this way.. i wonder.. i'm confused.
i keep myself busy with stuff and nv allow any chance to let all this slip in my mind..ppl often say the thruth always hurts? is that just so? make me believe again..will you?

would you be there..
 no restriction!
8:56 PM